It's Complicated
by gleek4life28
Summary: hey everybody this is my first fanfic and i just am testing it out. I'll update whenever i can and i want to hear your guy's opinions. Tell me what you want to see and what you don't like. Its got blellie & michellie... I know the 1st chapter isn't perfect, but I promise it gets better. Feel free to pm your opinions and what you want to see. :)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Nellie's P.O.V. - _I sat in the driveway waiting for him to pick me up. He was supposed to be here half an hour ago, but there still wasn't any sign of him. My thoughts were interrupted by a loud hum coming from my pocket.I grabbed my cell phone from my jean pocket. I turned it on and saw the name Michael flashing on the screen. "Hey not feeling well can't make it sorry". My face sinks, I was really looking forward to seeing him. I begin to walk towards the door, then, thinking otherwise, I turn around. " I'll go and visit Michael." I think to myself. I walk towards my car and get in.

_Michael's P.O.V. - _I click send and go to the couch. Grabbing the remote I flip through the channels, pausing to watch whatever seems good. I was starting to really get into some movie when I hear a knock on the door. I open the door and smile. "Glad you came." I say as I kiss her cheek softly, pulling her into the house and closing the door behind us.

_Nellie's P.O.V. – _I pull up into the driveway with a smile on my face. I walk up to the door and knock. I wait for a moment, slightly tapping my foot on the mat and running my fingers through my hair. After no response I check to see if the door is unlocked. Finding that it is I walk in. I don't see Michael anywhere so I figure that he's upstairs in his room. As I'm walking upstairs I can hear someone giggling. It's probably just the T.V. I think to myself. I reach his door and I'm trying to ignore the noises telling myself that nothing is wrong. "Hey Michael I-" I can't breathe, I just stand in the doorway in shock. I can feel the tears roll down my cheek and I'm trying to make sense of everything. Michael is getting up and is apologizing over and over again. "Nellie I love you, babe come on you know I do, Nellie talk to me", but I can't I'm I manage to say something. "I thought you loved me." Michael walks over to me resting his hands on my shoulder and kissing my neck "babe I do." I push him off of me, "I'm done with you!" I shout. "seriously Nellie, you can't leave no one is ever going to love you, Have fun living alone you bitch!" "I will!" I retort and run to my car.

**H****ey guys sorry its so short i just wanted to get the point across. I'm going to update soon, but i want to hear what you guys think and what you want to see next. This is taking place before the Glee Project, but anyways please comment and i'll update sometime this week... thanks**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Nellie's P.O.V. – _I could hear my mom shouting at me as I ran towards my room. "I just need to be alone!" I yelled back as I slammed my bedroom door shut. I fell into my bed and closed my eyes. All I could see was Michael kissing her, her not me. "Leave me alone!" I shouted at the pictures of him on my wall. I began to tear them, tear Michael's beautiful face. My tears were endless as I held the torn pieces in my hands. I couldn't breathe it felt like I was suffocating in my own sorrow. All I could think of is what he had said, "no one is ever going to love you." What if he was right, what if I would never be loved again. Those were the thoughts in my head as I drifted to sleep.

I woke up the next morning to a loud banging on my door 'Nellie open the door." I heard my dad say. "Hold on." I said groggily as I got out of bed. I open the door and let my dad in. He sees the photos ,ripped and crumpled, scattered on the floor and gives me a worried look. "breakfast is ready." he says, i can tell he knows something wrong. "I'm not really hungry... I'll come down in a little bit." i respond hoping he gets the hint. all he says is "oh" and then walks out of my room closing the door behind him. i walk over to my mirror, my eyes are still faintly red and my long, black hair is a tangled mess. Looking at my hair i can almost feel Michael kissing the back of my neck, a tingling sensation runs down my spine and i turn around. For a second i can see Michael, his warm smile, but now he's gone and all I'm left with is the aching feeling that something is missing. I try to clean myself up; brush my hair, wipe off my face, and change into something that's not tear stained. I go back to my bed and look at all the pieces of the pictures, scattered memories on my floor. I look at them vividly remembering all of them. I see one that hasn't been torn to shreds. I stretch my arm and pick it up off of the ground. Its Michael and I at our place... our place

_I sat in the driveway, i was so nervous. My first date with Michael. Why did he pick me and not the other girls who so desperately tried to get his attention. Was this some sick joke "lets torment little Nellie." "Calm down Nellie" i tried to tell myself. Damn nerves, they always got the best of me. I could she his car coming toward the driveway. was he going to pass me by and leave me to wonder, was he going to tell me he was just joking, was he- my thoughts stopped when i saw Michael parking on the curb and getting out. He was walking towards me, me, not anyone else me. Maybe this wasn't some joke, maybe he really did like me. He smiled as he approached me "Hi" he said sweetly. I could feel a blush creeping onto my cheeks. "Hi" i responded back. "you ready?" he said and i just nodded not trusting my words. He smiled even brighter and took my hand leading me to his car. We drove to the edge of town to a small park. It was empty and looked beautiful in the light of the setting sun. " It's beautiful here" i said. "I guess, but in comparison to you it looks dull." he said and I could feel my cheeks reddening for the second time in less than an hour. we walked to a bench and sat down, he put his arm around my shoulders and i smiled, really smiled, for the first time in a while. We talked, i told him everything about me and he listened to me. When it started to get dark out we walked back towards his car. Suddenly he stopped and pulled out his phone, "I want to take a picture of us, so when we look back at it we can remember this." I smiled as he took the picture. "I'll always remember." i thought to myself.  
_

Suddenly i came back to reality and stared down at the picture in my hand. I don't want to remember, I just want to forget everything. Forget the way he touched me, the way he smiled, the way he held my hand, the way he kissed me, the way he loved me. I looked back down at the picture, "i don't want to remember." i whispered and tore the picture in half, then i tore it again. and again until all that was left were fragments... fragments of my memory.

**Hey sorry for the wait i just had a lot of play rehearsals this week and didn't get a chance to update, but don't worry I'm already working on chapter 3. so what do you thinks, send me a message or write a review, thanks everyone who reads this :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Nellie's P.O.V. – I_ began to pick up all of the ripped pieces and throw them in the trash. Piece by piece I watched, as they would float and fall into the trashcan each piece seemed to make things a tiny bit better, at least for now. I couldn't stand looking in the mirror anymore. On the outside I still looked like his Nellie, My long hair, my smile, my red cheeks. All of these traits were what made me Michael's girl, what made me his and now that he's gone from my life I need to find a way to change myself. Maybe then I'd feel better… I don't know if I truly believed this, but it would help.

Sunday morning and I could hear my alarm clock buzzing. I slammed my hand down trying to turn it off and fall back into sleep, but unfortunately my mom came to get me up before I could go back to bed. "Nellie?" she says, peeking her head in the doorway, "you need to get up sweetheart." "Ugggh" I groan and start to untangle myself from the sheets and roll out of bed. "I'll be out in a minute mom." I say and slink off to get ready. I make my bed and put on a pair of jeans. I take one look at my hair I suddenly know what I need to do. "Mom" I call downstairs," can you take me to the hair salon."

We're parking and I can see the salon, my heart beat start to quicken and my head is rushing. I look down at my hair, "can I even do this?" I wonder. As I walk towards the salon door I know the answer. "Yes… Yes I can do this" The salon is empty and I sit down in the lobby waiting for my mom to finish paying. The stylist smiles at me and leads me to a chair. "So what do you want to do with your hair?" she asks. "Just cut it off." I reply she gives me a quick look and says "alrighty then". As she chops off my hair I stare into the mirror watching the strands fall to the ground. It feels like a burden being lifted, I feel weightless. A slights breeze hits the back of my neck making me shiver. When the stylist is done I look at all of my hair scattered on the floor… just like the ripped memories. A small tear slides down my cheek, but I don't wipe it. I'm finally starting to feel better. Even if it is just a little bit.

On the ride home mom tries to start conversation. "So honey why the sudden haircut, Michael tell you he thought you should?" She says laughing to herself. How does she not realize what happened. She sees my expression and questions me "Did I say something wrong?"…Silence… "He cheated on me mom." I say trying not to cry. My voice is strained. My mom looks over at me " I'm so sorry sweetie I didn't know." Her eyes are sincere, "its ok Mom I say faking a faint smile to make her feel better. We pull up in the driveway and as I walk to the front door I hear my mom say, " your new haircut looks lovely." "Thanks mom" I whisper, more to myself than anyone else.

I walk up to my room. My words are starting to sink in. "He cheated on me." I hadn't said this aloud until a few moments ago and the words felt so strange to hear and to say. "He cheated on me "He cheated on me." "He cheated on me." I just kept saying it, repeating the words like clockwork until my voice became strained and I was fighting to keep the tears at bay, but to no prevail. The tears streamed down and in a choked voice I continued to cry out "He cheated on me." I could see a green spiral notebook lying on my shelf. I wiped of my tears and walked towards the shelf and picked up the notebook. As I flipped through it I saw quick flashes of words… my words. The notebook I was holding was my old song notebook, I hadn't written in such a long time. I walked over to my bed and grabbed a pen. I flipped to a blank page; the empty space was begging to be written on. It pleaded for me to fill it with my words. I grabbed the pen and began to write.

_I watch it as it falls  
I just want to lose it all  
Every strand you ever touched  
Weightlessness is such a relief  
Want to feel the cold on my neck  
Just want to forget you ever kissed me there_

_I don't feel beautiful anymore  
don't know what from  
was it the cause or the effect  
or is it none, of the above  
what I have left can't hide me anymore  
Almost nothing left_

I can feel it in my bones  
But I don't feel like I am home  
Cause home is in your arms  
And I don't know where you are  
I can look in the mirror  
I can imagine you here  
And sing a sad song or two  
or three or four  
But I don't feel beautiful anymore

_I don't feel beautiful anymore  
don't know what from  
was it the cause or the effect  
or is it none, of the above  
what I have left can't hide me anymore  
Almost nothing left_

_I've stopped writing in pencil  
Started writing on stone  
Want to make sure what I think is known  
Don't want anything to wash it out  
Moses sure knew what he was talking about  
And like those who worship gold I won't feel it's worth it to hold, on  
maybe it will be 40 days  
maybe it will be 40 nights  
but eventually someone's gonna come down the mountain  
and tell me everything's gonna be alright_

_I won't feel lost anymore_  
_I won't feel hurt anymore_  
_I'll feel my heart once more_  
_I'll feel beautiful_

I looked down at what I had written and again I felt a portion of the burden being lifted from me and I sang the song softly till I fell asleep. School tomorrow and I am not ready to see him.

**Hi everyone sorry for the long wait my wifi was jacked up. That song is NOT mine it is called "left" and it was written by Nellie not me… its on youtube you should look it up because it is amazing. Anyway I hope you guys like it and feel free to PM me anytime. Please tell me what you guys want to see and I will try to fit it in somewhere I want to thank everyone who reads this story it really means a lot to me and I hope you guys enjoy the story as it progresses. I would like to specifically thank fstacy2 for her ongoing support, it is much appreciated (I appreciate you all, but she has been really supportive) anyway thanks again and I'll update as soon as I can!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Nellie's P.O.V_- I can hear my alarm clock beeping loudly… I groan. School. I've been dreading today all weekend. I have to see him today. I would have been perfectly fine with avoiding him for the rest of my life, but no I'm going to have to deal with him for the rest of the year. I didn't have many friends beside Michael, and all of those friends were either in choir or acting classes with me. My bus was going to be here soon so I reluctantly got out of bed and began to get ready.

Appearance doesn't really matter anymore, I don't have anyone to impress now. This new haircut is still foreign to me. I'm so used to hiding behind my hair, but now I'm forced to be brave. I sigh into the mirror and walk downstairs. My parents must have left early today because the kitchen is vacant. I shove some notebooks into my bag and grab a granola bar for breakfast. I grab a sweater and head out the front door.

As I make my way to the stop sign, to await my bus, I try to imagine what today will be like. Will Michael try to talk to me? Will I be glared at, laughed at, teased? I wonder. I see the school bus approaching me and I sigh again as it stops with a loud squeal and watch as the door pushes open. I make my way up the steps and to the back of the bus. I am anticipating many murmurs, looks and whispering. It's worse… silence, nothing else no giggles, or loud and obvious whispering. Just silence and staring eyes. I take my seat and breath in heavily. " Can't wait for the rest of today." I mutter to myself as the school bus proceeds to the next stop, I slip my ear buds in and let the music take me away.

When the bus reaches school I turn off my music and shove the ipod into my pocket, ear buds and all, and make my way off of the bus. I hurriedly walk to my locker with my head slightly hung and trying not to bump into anyone. I grab my materials for 1st period and rush to class. Michael and I sit next to each other in 1st period… this should be interesting. I make it to class and settle into my seat, organizing my books endlessly trying to keep my mind busy. Then I see him saunter into the class a smile on his face surrounded by his friends. My heartbeat begins to speed up and my mind is going a million miles a minute. He sits next to me like nothing happened. Does he really believe that I have forgiven him? Does he think I'm going to run back into his arms and pretend like nothing ever happened? "Hi, you look beautiful today." He says and looks at me with his beautiful brown eyes. "Uhh" I find my words lost and my eyes still staring into his. He chuckles; he knows that he has me hooked. Suddenly I can clearly see him with that other girl, telling me I'll never be loved again, and I snap out of his trance. " I meant what I said Saturday, I don't want you anymore." Hearing these words even shocked me. His eyes stopped their hold on mine. "Nells you don't mean that, you love me… you can't live without me, you told me that yourself." It sounded more like he was reassuring himself than me. "Well I guess I was wrong then." I said. It wasn't the best come back, but it had well enough of an effect on him.

He looked away and moved to a different seat. I was proud of myself I was starting to feel a little bit better… at least for now.

The day droned on. I awaited each bell signaling that the day was coming closer and closer to an end. As the 5th period bell rang, I started to panic, next period was lunch and I had about 4 minutes to figure out where I was going to sit. I always sat with Michael; I didn't have many other friends. I took a deep breath and made my way to the cafeteria. Almost immediately my eyes found Michael… he was with her. I tried to remember her name I think it was Jackie. He had already run back to her. I felt sick, like I was going to vomit. I lined up to get my food, even though I probably wouldn't eat it. Suddenly I saw Jackie get up from the table and walk towards the lunch line. I hurriedly move along grabbing a juice and "sandwich" As I stare at the lunchroom blankly, looking for somewhere to sit, Jackie approaches me. "Your boyfriend, I mean ex-boyfriend, is a really good kisser." Nothing I just stare blankly "stay strong Nellie" I tell myself. "Oh and you shouldn't have cut your hair sweetie, you look like a dyke." With a satisfied smirk she begins to walk off. "Slut!"

Did I just say that? Crap what did I just start. Jackie turns around, "what did you just call me?" "Slut." I say again this time with more confidence. Jackie exhales deeply and then with a smile says " Oh no, no sweetie you've got it all wrong I'm not a slut. Your just a prude!" I couldn't come up with a retort so I just walked off trying not to cry.

**Hey Guys sorry that it's not very long, but I'm going to update soon. Just wanted to have conflict and what not, but I will upload as soon as possible. I love you all and thanks for reading **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I ran out of the lunchroom. My tray dropped to the ground and I didn't bother to pick it up. I walked towards the library, the tears were already rolling softly down my cheeks and I wiped the lightly with my sleeve. Entering the library I saw Mrs. Downes give me a smile. Mrs. Downes was probably in her mid forties, she had thick cat rimmed glasses the sat perched on her messy grey brown hair. She was always very kind to me allowing me to eat in the library when I was having a rough day and just needed to get away. I walked over to a small plush armchair hidden among the bookshelves, nestled away from everything else. This chair always made me feel better; I let myself sink into the chair. My thoughts turned to what Jackie had said. "You're just a prude." It made me wonder if she was right. I mean Michael and I had almost "done the deed" … but I had stopped before it turned into anything big. I closed my eyes remembering that night…

_Michael and I lay down on his bed. His parents were gone for the weekend and we had been hanging out and watching movies. I got tired so Michael offered to move to his bedroom to just relax. I went to the bathroom to change into something more comfortable. I walked back into his room wearing sweat pants and a tank top. Michael was lying under the sheets; he turned around and smiled at me, inviting me to join him. I made my way to the bed and got under his warm, plaid comforter. I moved in closer to him resting my chin on his shoulder and my hand holding his. We sat like this in silence, it wasn't awkward, and it was a comfortable silence that filled the room with certain warmth. After awhile I began to say, "I love you" only to be cut off by Michael's lips. It wasn't our first kiss, but it definitely the most passionate. I loved him more than I could say and now this kiss was able to show exactly how I felt without any words. This kiss was beginning to get more heated and every minute or so we would pull apart to get air. We were now tangled in the bed sheets, so close together. His hand began to move upwards from my waist, stopping right beneath my chest. Somewhere in my head I knew where he wanted this to go and I knew I should stop this. I couldn't right now I was so in love that I couldn't imagine ever stopping. Suddenly his hand was a further up than I remembered it being. It now was grazing near my breast. Now I knew that it was time to stop, but I was already in to far, I was already consumed with love. When his hand was reaching to pull off my shirt I suddenly stopped. "I'm not ready for this Michael." I said hoping I wasn't upsetting him. "No its ok I didn't mean for it to go this far anyway." "I'll wait until you are ready and comfortable with it." He said smiling at me and I replied with "I love you."_

I was pulled from the memory with the loud alarm signaling that 5th period was over. I walked past Mrs. Downes giving her a smile and walking out of the library. I walked down the hallway towards my locker. I pushed my way through the crowded hallway and rushed to my locker. I felt like every one was staring at me so I kept my head down as I hurriedly fumbled with the lock. I pulled open my locker and grabbed my gym uniform. I closed the locker and made my way to the girl's locker room. I sighed as I changed into my uniform, I actually didn't mind gym or the uniform. The uniform is loose black basketball shorts and an ill-fitting maroon shirt. This semester was basketball and I had actually played basketball before so I wasn't too worried about it. What I was nervous about was my class. It was filled with jocks and cheerleaders, I was used to the whispers now, but I knew without Michael it would be so much worse. Michael wasn't popular, but now he's dating someone who is and I had just called that girl a slut.

I walked out of the locker room and sat down for attendance. As the other girls and boys filed out of the doors I could already hear them talk. They "whispered" about how I had run away and how I had called Jackie a slut. It was days like these that I wished I had friends to talk to. I guess I had the people in my acting group and choir class, but that's the only time that I ever saw them. The whistle blew and I got up walking towards the cart with the basketballs. Grabbing one I walked to a corner of the gym and practiced dribbling and shooting against the wall. Every once in awhile a basketball would "accidentally" hit me in the back or the back of my head. Finally the coach told us to go to the locker room and change. The whispers and rude comments followed me as I changed; I guess their goal was to make me feel like crap. I hate to admit it, but it was working even though I tried so hard to act like it didn't faze me. Well at least I had choir next period. I actually liked choir, the songs weren't half bad (although I wasn't a big fan of choreography) and neither were the students. I walked towards the classroom stopping quickly to put my gym uniform in my locker.

**HI I'm going to update soon just wanted to have a chapter for all you Michellie Fans and so hope you like it and feel free to PM me any suggestions and what not so yeah…. Hope you enjoyed it. **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I walked into the choir room. Sandra and Ellie greeted me; Sandra had an average body size, nothing to big and nothing to small. She had long auburn hair that frames her face and deep blue eyes. She is about 5 feet and 7 inches tall. Then there's Ellie, Ellie has a light brown hair that's cropped and short, kinda like my new haircut. Ellie has amber eyes, sometimes they're hazel, Ellie is a little over 5 feet tall and is curvy. I smile at the two girls, but I know that they've already heard about what happened.

I'm not sure what to say to them. I smile faintly again and take a seat, Sandra seems to realize that I want to be alone and smiles at me then walks to another row. Ellie just sits next to me and gives me a look that says, "are you okay?" I wanted to say no; no I'm not okay. I feel like shit, I feel like the most disgusting thing on the planet and I want to be alone right now. But all I say is "I'm fine." With one last questioning look Ellie settles into her seat and gets ready for class.

I half-heartedly sing warm-ups and try to avoid any direct eye contact with Ms. Collins (the choir teacher). When it comes time to rehearse for the concert next week Ms Collins begins to notice my lack of effort. She pulls me aside and asks what's wrong. What isn't wrong I think to myself. "I'm just not feeling good" I reply it's the easiest explanation for everything that's going on and I just do not want to deal with explaining everything right now. "Alright well would you like to go to the nurse?" She offers. "Umm yes." Maybe she'll let me sleep on the cot for the rest of the day I think to myself.

I grab my notebook and walk down to the nurse. Mrs. Finkle is a round old lady with graying hair and a tan complexion. She smiles at me as I walk through the door. All over are posters about saying no to drugs and signs of pregnancy. Mrs. Finkle walks over to me and asks what's wrong. God I've been asked this question a lot today. "I'm just not feeling good." I should really find a better excuse. "Well let's check your temperature." She walks over to a large cabinet and rummages through a drawer until she pulls out the thermometer and walks back over to me. I open my mouth and wait awkwardly for the thermometer to determine my fate. It beeps and I wait to be told the verdict. "Well you have a fever, so I'll call up your mom. Why don't you go lie down on the cot." Yes! My mind silently screams, freedom. I take a seat on the cot and try to relax; I can hear Mrs. Finkle talking to my mom over the phone. After a pause Mrs. Finkle walks over and says "your mom will be here in about 10 minutes so why don't you go get your belongings and head over to the office to wait." She hands me a pass and I walk into the hallway,

I swiftly head to my locker hoping to beat the bell. But clearly luck just isn't on my side. The bell rings loudly and in an instant students flood the hallway. Noise erupts from all corners, loud laughs and cunning whispers. I can hear my name; at least I think I can hear my name. As I hurriedly open my locker and grab my jacket and bag I hear the loud click of heels. Great…Jackie. Maybe she won't notice me. "Prude!" "Or not." I sigh to myself. I slam my locker shut and weave in and out of students making my way to the office. I can see my mom through the glass window signing the sign out sheet.

I wait outside the door for her. She walks out and leads me to the car. I don't say anything to her the entire car ride. Just sit in silence until we reach the house.

I walk quickly up to my room and lock the doors. I feel bad I should have said thanks to her, but I guess I just didn't want another one of her talks. I lie face down on my bed, I feel like crying but all I do is lay in silence. I feel numb, like all of the pain is running so fast in and out of me that I can't feel it anymore.

I don't ever want to go to school again, I'm tired of it and I know there is only like 2 weeks left till graduation, but I just don't want to deal with it anymore.

**Okay so I'm really sorry that it took me so long to update I just got a crap load of schoolwork. This is a crappy chapter sorry, but I promise it will get better and blellie is coming soon. The next chapter I'm going to skip ahead so you don't deal with chapters about school. Also I realize that this isn't quite accurate (timing wise) for glee project but bear with me here okay love you guys and I promise to update really really soon!**


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